I'm only actually posting because I'm on my dad's computer and it feels wonderful to be online. So I wrote the next bit as all one sentence before, but now I'm gonna make a numbered list to give each thing it's own spotlight.

1. There is actual snow on the ground
2. Our Christmas lights are up
3. My mom likes Generation Kill, and we just spent two hours watching it. We watched Combat Jack and A Burning Dog, so she was going: wait, Nate is the officer we like? But he's acting like a jerk! To which I had to stop in each scene where he's less than polite and explain what was going on and why Nate's jerkitude was completely justified. But it was funny, because she kept being like: But isn't this the good guy? Why is he being so nasty?
4. My throat is feeling a bit better
5. We're going back to our old church for a visit tomorrow
6. Arsinyk will be home soon(ish... kind of... shut up and let me pretend)
7. I'm getting along with my parents
8. I am wearing a pretty damn flattering outfit, which contrary to the opinions of some feels just as good when you're sitting around and no one can see you, and
9. I just showered so even though I'm sick I don't really feel all gross
10. I haven't had cramps since like three o'clock which is a really nice surprise because they were on par with the shards of glass lodged in my throat for pain yesterday...

Today is a really wonderful day. I just want it to go on forever, but it's already midnight and my mom will tell me to go to bed soon. I really don't want to let go of how good I feel right now. I'm not stressing out about anything, the world just feels like everything's okay. I'm gonna get through this school year, and even though I've been doing nothing but bitch about my classes I can get good things out of them if I think positive.

I will probably wake up tommorow with good feeling totally gone, so I wanna hold on to it while I can

... is married. Cry for me, sisters.


Also, have I seriously not done a Gen Kill squee post? Fail, self, fail.

NaNo: I are behind. I also am incapable of finishing a scene. Seriously. My page count as compared to my word count is ridiculous because I keep making a page break and working on a totally different section of the story. I haven't even finished the PORN SCENES! Of which there are two, easily the two longest sections I have so far.

.... okay I checked and they aren't actually at all, but it seems that way.

I want a bigger screen than my netbook has that can properly display THIS:


Brad was expecting a FEMALE hooker.

My Netbook, Runner is trying to kill me.  It is an Eee PC that I got from Woot super cheap, (though not so cheap that I'm not still paying my parents back)

The things I've been dealing with all along:  It spontaneously decides that there is less memory than there was before.  Very early on in fact, despite my deleting things that were on it, and not putting anything new on it, it decided that 100 percent of disk space was full.  This often leads to difficulties with Star-Office, saying that it does not have enough room to store important internal information, and that I should free up space before I can use it.  If I could, I would.   It will frequently be unable to open things like FileManager, asking me if dcopsomethingorother is running.  The problem here?  Task-manager is one of the things it can't open, so I can hardly check or do anything about it, can I?  Despite all this, I would use it for the Internet, and use a flash drive to save documents created on or worked on on it, and I was content.

Then it decided to not boot up, instead just merrily blinking at me, ocasionally showing a cursor.  I looked on Mother Dearest's computer for a help from the internet, and after trying many things eventually managed to restore factory settings and the problem went away.  However:  Again with the memory eating.  I did nothing but remove a few programs, which told me it would free up about a hundred megabytes, but when I look:  I've lost 50 megabytes.  Anything I do makes memory disappear.

I need to figure out how to get administrative privileges and wipe this thing and install a better version of Linux, basically.  But I needed to bitch.

Also, Quebrada sold me a lousy cupcake.  :(

Nobody who writes about the Master gets Jack even CLOSE to right!  It's not fair!  If this keeps up, I'm gonna have to write my own fic, and you know I won't actually.  What do Doctor/Master shippers have against Jack?!!!!!

I seriously haven't posted to this thing since the Bruce Coville thing in March?!
Well. I am here to chatter about cute boys, being in a bit of a 'boys are hot, am I sure I'm not straight?' frame of mind recently (as opposed to the 'girls are hot, am I sure I'm not a lesbian?' frame of mind that I'd been in for the past couple months). There are fic recs in among the chatter though, so it's not totally wasted space.

( The only person who's going to read this already knows most of it, but there are links to fics, so click it anyway )
John Barrowman I just included because if you're talking about David Tennant, you have to mention him too. 

I just signed Bruce Coville's website guestbook, because I was reading his books which are a sort of comfort food for me, and I automatically filled this page in under the "WEBSITE" category, and now I feel like the everyone looking at the page, including BC will come here and find out what a twisted, twisted person I am. I feel the urge to race through my entries, removing all mentions of slash, but then there would be nothing left.

That wonderful time called "when the parents aren't watching." I feel like I post more often when the internet is forbidden to me. Wonder why that is?.... Writing this up in a word doc. on the assumption that I'll have a chance to illicitly post it at some point tonight. Why can't you put more than one mood label? I'm feeling cheerful, relieved, optimistic, productive, energetic... This probably won't last, but while it does, I'm cleaning my room. Update during illicit posting: Tired, but still vaguely satisfied.

So, happily, I haven't been fired from my job at the bookstore, and stuff has piled up. Tons of classics came in while I wasn't going. My hand actually started to cramp from trying to stretch it around too many books at once. Not trying that again. On Friday, I need to finish checking the back-room classics for copies that are needed on the shelves, check the trade-size paperbacks (these are easier because there is a list), file the classics that are currently in bags on the floor of the back room, and count copies to see which books are overstocked and should be gotten rid of. I figure if I go in at 4:00 I may actually accomplish all that. Maybe 3:30 would be a safer bet. That would leave me just enough time to get out of class and eat lunch in a hurry. Well, I could take more time if I brought a lunch and went straight from class to the bookstore. Also, I'm hoping to buy a box of girl scout cookies and share them around, as there is a system in place where people share goodies, and I can't do too much sucking up at the moment. I'm motivated too by the fact that I desperately want girl scout cookies, but on my own I'll eat the whole box in one sitting. .... Scratch that, the girl scout cookie season has apparently ended :(

I seem not to have missed anything in the term of skipping Spanish, which would be incredibly depressing if not for the fact that I may well be switching into another class! Ms. Bassett's Spanish 2 Honors class meets in the same period as Mrs. Robinson's Spanish 2 CP class. I'm going to sit on the class tomorrow while they review for a test, which they're taking Friday, and over the course of next week decide whether I think I can keep up. I'm going to do my best since the other option is staying in the current class where I will go mad and bring in a gun to shoot my classmates, which at least would be interesting to post about from jail.

I'd forgotten how much inspiration/shame comes from shelving classics. Currently high on my to read/should read list are: Like Water for Chocolate, Middlesex, A Streetcar Named Desire, and Down and Out in Paris and London. Since I'm already attempting to read Le Morte De Arthur and Bulfinch's mythology, this seems rather ambitious. Nothing says I have to read them right away, though. Summertime, summertime....

I also need to return various library books, renew Le Morte De Arthur, and pay off my fine, which hopefully won't be too huge.

So, over the past three weeks there have been at least seven posts that I composed in my head while not having access to the internet, and then didn't write up once I did. Possibly there were more than that. Remember my incoherent, indignant flailing about genderswapped Narnia? I wanted to use Girl!Edmund (Edlen) to figure out Peter and Edmund's particular bond better.

It worked.

( A more coherent summary than the last of my personal Narnia canon under the cut because I feel like explaining all the details no one cares about. It's there, if you're that bored )

Also, I noticed when I first started watching Merlin the absurd physical similarities between Arthur/Merlin/Lancelot and Peter/Edmund/Caspian, which is how crossover was committed in my brain (yeah, like it wouldn't have happened anyway). I'm fairly certain Edmund ends up in Camelot at some point and is fascinated-ly comparing the myth to the reality. And he does a complete double-take at Merlin? Really? Some kid who's the prince's manservant? Oh, dear lord. And Merlin doesn't get why this foreign king wants to talk to him so much and gives his opinions more weight than Arthur's, Morgana's, or Uther's. And.... well I want Edmund/Merlin but I'm not sure it would actually happen. Edmund/Arthur may actually be more likely, and then when their done Edmund says something like: "He feels the same way, you know." And Arthur goes WTF! because he thought he'd been all subtle and Edmund just kind of laughs at him.

So something that just happened to me in the wild, wonderful world of technology reminded me of this Sheldon strip: http://www.sheldoncomics.com/archive/081227.html

My cell-phone won't ring. I can't find in the settings what could be causing the problem, but the little speaker is working because occasionally as I move about the various menus it remembers to make a keytone. Seeing as my phone is my alarm clock, I am disturbed. Currently keeping on my person at all times, set to vibrate, and have dug out of my vortex an actual alarm clock that hopefully still works. Unfortunately, even if it does, it's much quieter than I usually set my phone to ringing at. And I can't snooze it and am not practiced at efficiently re-setting it for two minutes later the way I am with my phone. This may well lead to me waking up, shutting it off, and rolling right back over to fall asleep again. This would not be happy.

So, this is less of an actually story concept and more of a vague theory, but:

An empath is placed in a fairly hostile environment at about the age of three, maybe four. Whoever is her caretaker dislikes her, or possibly just children in general, and in a psychological defense, the empath erects a subconsious shield, blocking her own empathy. This shield goes up at age five or six. Her mind expects to know what people are feeling and it doesn't anymore.  (She gets removed from the hostile environment shortly after this shield goes into place because I don't feel like dealing with anymore mental damage than is necessary)  She has never learned pick up on verbal, physical, or facial cues as to peoples emotional states.  And even the awareness she could pick up at this late stage in the game probably won't happen because her brain isn't built that way.  Something deep in her mind expects to just know.  She would the most oblivious person ever, not seeing all the little red flags that occur before a person starts to cry.  To her, they would just suddenly sobbing, out of the blue.  A warning tone would go right over her head.
At maybe 19 she's diagnosed, gets help removing the block, readjusts and has a happy ending.  That's about it, but I thought it was worth putting down on, er, paper, as it were.

Let me count the people I have genderswapped, then I will cry.

1. Scott Summers (X-men) becomes.... Scott (wha?)
2. Warren Worthington (X-men) becomes Wren
3. Peter Parker (Spiderman) becomes Petra
4. Tony Dinozzo (NCIS) becomes Toni
5. Stephen Hart (Primeval) becomes Jacq
6. Harry Potter (Harry Potter) becomes Hahri, Rie, or other
7. Tobias (Animorphs) becomes Kivrin
8. Sam Winchester (Supernatural) becomes Sam
9. John Sheppard (Stargate: Atlantis) becomes Dawn
10. Rodney McKay (Stargate: Atlantis) becomes Rhondi
11. Edmund Pevensie (Chronicles of Narnia) becomes Edlen
12. Caspian (Chronicles of Narnia) becomes Caspianne
and probably more that I can't think of right now.  I don't think I'll count the incestous pairings.  Actually, I just did, there are only three.

Really not supposed to be on the internet right now, but they haven't noticed....

Edit: Merlin (BBC Merlin) (in a contemporary but still magic au) becomes Emrys Merlin, or Emmy

Having finished my math homework and decided to move on to nanowrimo, I have spent the last hour looking up names on baby name web-sights. 

Girl names that begin with Ed. Or start with E and end with nd.  Boy names that start with Lu (this one didn't take to long - Lucas is a decent substitute for Lucy). Boys names that begin with Su. When that failed, boys names that begin with S and end with an.  Which gives me Sean.  Except that that's an Irish name, and I don't think the Pevensies would have given their kid an Irish name. Leaving me with Steven.

I still haven't decided on girl!Edmund's name.  I really want it able to be abbreviated to Ed (Eddy as well, which she HATES, because it's childish and -- and demeaning, and she spends enough of her life proving to the universe that just because she's a girl doesn't mean she isn't every bit as capable as her brothers, but she also kind of loves it, it's what her siblings call her when they're desperately trying to reach her to make her just RELAX ALREADY, but heaven help anyone other than a Pevensie who calls her that.)  Anyway, the obvious solution to this is Edna, but I absolutely hate that name.  So far my primary candidate is Edlen (English name which means "noble waterfall"). Or Edlynn, the Anglo-Saxon version, which means something else, but I don't remember what. Ah, well.

In my defense, I only thought of this after seeing someone else do it. They were discussing genderswapping the entire cast, though they ended up only genderswapping Peter, and I felt so cheated because they dangled girl!Ed in front of me then didn't create her.  I haven't decided yet quite how I want to put the rest of them. 

See, I think there really have to be two Queens and two Kings, but I really want to explore the dynamic between girl!Ed and Peter.  I would rather swap Lucy than Susan, but I don't want to leave Su and Ed as the two girls, because (in my head) Susan and Edmund are very similar already. Basically, for Edmund, he has a bond with Lucy because they are both the younger siblings, with Peter as the two boys (this is part of why I want to play with girl!Ed and Peter - it would help define their relationship more clearly in my head - I can FEEL it, but it won't articulate for me), and then he and Susan are two peas in a pod, as are Lucy and Peter. If I were going canonical and somewhat gender stereotyped (which the books are), I'd say that Edmund is Susan's champion and Peter is Lucy's.  Which is part of why he keeps trying so hard, even long after the rest of them have given up, to bring her back when she forgets and dismisses Narnia. Because unlike the rest of them, he really gets it. You can tell I've already spent way too much time with this.

So, I just randomly bought eyeliner for no reason. I never wear makeup. I was just out walking and I went into CVS, and just bought eyeliner. I have no idea why. Do poltergeists possess people? I think if I had been possessed by a demon he would have done something more malicious than make me blow two bucks on makeup. So it's probably a poltergeist.

If it had been facepaint, that impulse buy would make sense. But... eyeliner? The hell?

The interesting thing about internet, is even though it sort of stops you from having a life, having a livejournal serves as a great way to remind you that the outside world exists. In a, like - I can't post anything because I've done nothing, way.

I've realized that Arsinyk's sister (who doesn't have an lj, but I hesitate to refer to people by their names online) and I would be prime candidates for rps if we were famous. Personal boundaries? What are those? *purrs at R* Come have a threesome with us, L. Come take pictures, Arsinyk. Unless you want to be in a foursome that includes your sister, in which case we need a new photographer. Hey, sis! Do you still have your digital camera?

Psychology starts soon, and I m so (pardon me) psyched for it. Can't wait! In the meantime, I will go hunt wild pizza slices.

It does. So badly. I am on the hunt for stories where some character in the stargate universe is turned into a cat (preferably Daniel, John, or Rodney). I know that such stories exist, though they are not evident on ff.net. The problem is... GOOGLE SUCKS! Anytime you're looking for fic. grrrrr......

Yesterday Mom and I shopped at Mahoney's Plant Nursery, and we now have a garden out back! (ish. it will grow if we don't accidentally kill it). And today we removed the spearmint plants from where they exist as weeds into pots on our front steps. Now they will be minty and pretty, but not spread like moodiness in teenagers. Happy! If dirty. Showers are good.

I am incapable of learning the tune to the ONE song that I sing in the show. *growls* I have been sitting at the piano going over it again and again, and I can even sometimes get individual pieces, but when I try to sing the whole thing I forget the pitch to each new section. And I won't really be able to hear my part in the piano on stage, because there are five parts.... I feel useless. I sing ONE song, and I can't get it right. And tonight is the last actual rehearsal. Opening night is Friday. I am going to distract myself with pretty youtube videos so that I don't cry.

    Why is the summer spent in a perpetual state of sleep? My parents are always urging me to be productive and do stuff, and by this point I'm sort of agreeing with them. I'm about as unproductive as it is possible for me to be. I haven't even cleaned my room, which I keep promising myself I'll do. I honestly want the school year and my classes to start up again, so that I"m doing things. That's how desperate I am. 'Cause I just can't make myself do anything other than watch tv and read.

    Actually, that's not quite true. I've written. I wrote the three page prologue and half a page of the first chapter of one of the novels that have been growing on the trellis of my sieve-like mind. The thing is, if I keep going with that I will have to come up with a plot. Which I"m incapable of doing.

I first created my livejournal simply so that I could look at other stuff on lj without the site bugging me to get an account.

However, I think it is actually an excellent way to keep multiple people up to date at the same time. I am going to be reposting everything I once had on my blog here, so that everything is in one place. I'm not just picking up my blog again after over a year because I far prefer the way lj is set up, and also I want to be able to post and get feedback on stories.

Writing: I will only be posting fanfiction up here, because with original stuff I always think I may want to publish some day. Many people show their writing for free online, and I admire that, but it's not something I'm unselfish or unparanoid enough to do. Also, I believe there are long-term problems that can develop for writers in the online medium.

After I have copied everything over here, I am going to delete my blog.